So, I went to the hospital yesterday, and ever since I visited that place, I just want to kill myself. I don’t want to live no more. The person I love keeps ignoring me like it helps. Work stresses me out. I haven’t eaten all day. I’m literally killing myself now. It’s sad though, to feel the way I do. It may not be as bad as someone else, but it’s pretty horrible to me. 

So, I found out I was anemic. I have to change my whole diet and change my life. I have lived day by day smoking weed and enjoying life. Truth is the only way I enjoyed life was with the person I love or smoking hella dank. If I ain’t got neither, then I’d rather die. I really do. 

Today, I haven’t eaten shit. I’m partly anemic and I can’t really take care of myself because I don’t know how to cook and I hate everything about myself. I just want to die right now. I guess I’ma just starve myself. i don’t even care about anything anymore at this moment.

I believe that there is no one else in my blood line that is like me. I’m the most different. I’m the black sheep. 

Everytime I feel or mess up, everything just feels 10x as worse because when something happens, everyone seems to make it such a big deal that bad things are happening to me.

I’m so disappointed in myself. I want to change. I want to do better, but every time I do better, it starts to get worse again.

ughhhhhhhhhhhh the stress.

No one is ready for the truth.

I think I just need some space. Just afraid how everyone would react to it.

Truth is I really love all my friends. We have our ups and downs, but all it takes is a little understanding to get through the obstacles that we face together.

I was never the relationship type. I’m trying to change for you, but it’s like you don’t even notice me. I just want your attention. Only yours. Why does love have to hurt so much?

It sucks to look at the big picture and notice that this one nigga stole a huge chunk of my friends. People think I’m out, but the only reason I’m out is because I’m lonely. Being pushed away, feeling neglected, and being lost in the world that is my own. It’s sucks when you are there for all of them, but at the end of the day, they only cared about themselves. Oh welp. Times have changed and I’m not about that life. It’s league and anime now. 

Suicide on my mind.

FML.

I feel like I’m drowning in a pool of my own tears, but I have yet to shed a tear. Life is so hard when you have people who don’t understand. All they do is want, want, want. While making me work, work, work for everything. Fuck it.